Pregnancy for me wasn’t the magical, spiritual journey that I had expected. I had all day sickness for the first half, and for the last half I suffered a number of complications that meant I was in chronic pain. Becoming a total Psycho though, for the whole 40 weeks, was something I REALLY didn’t expect. Here are a few of my funnier (in hindsight) moments.
>> Just give the woman a taco – I ate cold tinned spaghetti on toast and drank copious amounts of green cordial for the first 12 weeks. One day however I wanted tacos. Mr G enthusiastically whipped up said tacos. I was excited, he was excited, and then he asked, “what sauce do you want with them?” I replied, “just the sachet in the box.” He froze, there was silence. “Ummm, I put that in the mince meat.” Mr G says that if looks could kill, he would have died right there. Cue tears, me stomping up stairs to lock myself in the bathroom whilst yelling, “I just wanted a f*%$ing taco the way you’re supposed to make tacos!” I later apologised and happily ate the left over tacos.
>> Is it cold in here? – Before I had instigated the pillow fortress around me in bed, hubby would try to snuggle up and spoon me. All I could feel however, was his breath on the back of my neck. One night it resulted in me hissing vehemently at him, “don’t breathe on me – it’s like an arctic breeze attacking the back of neck.” Cue hubby never attempting to snuggle me while pregnant again.
>> Be honest why don’t you? – Sometimes, when I have more than a couple of wines I can be prone to getting a little irrational and having an argument with Mr G. You all know someone like me, or you are someone like me. Anyway, one day driving in the car with Mr G I made the comment, “With me not drinking it must be nice that I’m not having my irrational moments.” Mr G’s response, “It’s kind of same-same but different. You still loose your sh*t with me, but now at least you have a half decent excuse.” Needless to say this wasn’t received very graciously.
>> Deer in the headlights – We moved this year but in our old house the bedroom and head of the bed were adjacent to the toilet on the other side of the hallway. Mr G got up one night to go to the toilet – fair enough right? Until he turned the light on BEFORE he closed the toilet door and it shone on my face! Cue me sitting up like a possessed woman and hissing, “why don’t you just shine a f*&%ing flood light in my face.” Poor Mr G.
>> Rollin on the river – And heaven forbid I had a bad dream. One night in particular I had a dream that Mr G pushed me out of a boat into the ocean (I dare say he actually did want to do that). I didn’t speak to him for a whole day.
I could definitely tell you a few other episodes but you probably won’t like me anymore. Oh we can laugh about it now… Poor Mr G.