If you follow us on Instagram or Facebook you might have seen these lovely photos we posted on Friday.
Weren’t we having a FABULOUS day! Delicious bubbly to celebrate being picked as finalists in the 2014 Bupa Blog Awards at a lovely place in the city and no children! We had uninterrupted conversations and for a short moment I remembered how easy things once were.
This however, was my highlight reel. To get to this point, bubbles in hand and adult conversation under way, took a fair bit of effort. Getting my little human to daycare went something along these lines, enjoy:
4.50am – wake up. Mild panic ensues as I can see a sunrise glow out the window. What is the time? 4.50, it’s ok. Knowing that toddler could feasibly wake from this point on, get up and have shower.
5am – step out of shower. Can hear toddler chattering in her cot. Chattering escalates to rail rattling and crying in short space of time. No time to get dressed, put pyjamas back on.
5.02am – get toddler. Go through routine of kissing each soft toy that toddler insists on taking to bed with her. It is adorable. Get toddler out of cot. Change nappy. Nappy had leaked so dry clothes are also required. Sleeping bag is wet. Check sheets, also wet. Remove sheets and mattress protector. Realise that I will need to change toddler’s clothes again as she still needs to have breakfast. Regret putting half decent clothes on toddler.
5.10am – go downstairs. Toddler insists on walking down stairs herself.
5.22am – reach bottom of the staircase.
5.25am – make coffee and get toddlers breakfast ready. Tell toddler to stop riding on dog like she’s a pony. Distract toddler with plastic spatula. Attempt to distract toddler from hitting dog with plastic spatula. Ignore situation.
5.30am – sit down to have coffee. Get up and get washing from upstairs. Put washing on.
5.35am – sit down to have coffee. Get up and go back into laundry and restart washing as toddler has stopped cycle. Close laundry door. Step past toddler who is now having a tantrum due to restricted access to laundry. Go and sit down again. Get given Iggle Piggle. Sing Iggle Piggle song seven times or else risk tantrum. Toddler claps and smiles.
5.45am – coffee is cold. Get up to reheat coffee in microwave and start making toddlers lunch for daycare – healthy and nutritious assortment of food. Have the need to prove to lovely daycare ladies that I am a good mother by providing wholesome food. Toddler is watching TV. This is ok, repeat this is ok.
6.00am – feed toddler breakfast. Toddler does not want mushy weet-bix but would prefer sandwich she can see in container on the bench made for daycare. Put honey on weet-bix. Toddler does not find weet-bix anymore appetising. Give toddler avocado and tuna sandwich. Toddler eats sandwich and doesn’t get any on clothes, no need to change her. Good outcome. Give dog weet-bix. Peace for 10mins. Remake toddlers sandwich.
6.15am – unpack dishwasher all while trying to convince toddler, contents of dishwasher aren’t toys.
6.20am – stand in kitchen and eat muesli while toddler torments dog with frog puppet. Remind toddler actions have consequences and she might not like the consequence if she keeps this behaviour up. Dog goes outside and gets up on to outdoor dining table and lays down on it. Oh I have control of the household, said no one ever. Toddler attempts to torment me with frog puppet.
6.30am – go outside and hang washing out. Toddler sits in dog’s water bowl. Deep breath – need to change toddler’s clothes and nappy.
6.40am – change toddlers clothes finding balance between cute and it doesn’t matter if they get trashed. Pack daycare bag – 2 x sheets, 2 x sets of clothes, 8 x nappies, food, barrier cream, sunscreen, hat, shoes, water bottle and 2 x milk bottles.
6.50am – I need another shower but decide extra deodorant will have to suffice. Get dressed. Top needs ironing. Change top.
7.00am – husbands texts, “Hope you girls had a good night, I had a good sleep. Time for a chat?” Have uncharitable thoughts about husband’s unbroken sleep and ample time. Agree to FaceTime in 10mins. Quickly do hair and smack on some BB cream and mascara. Effort in appearance supersedes previous days. Winning.
7.10am – FaceTime husband. Good to hear his voice. Uncharitable thoughts dissolve at the thought of him working 11 hour days in extreme conditions on a desert island.
7.20am – trick dog to go outside with a treat. Realise I haven’t fed dog. Decide I will give her a big dinner, plus she had weet-bix.
7.30am – wrestle toddler into car seat. Drive to daycare whilst I sing row row row your boat. Toddler looks amused at her ability to get me to do whatever she wants.
7.35am – arrive at day care, attempt to distract toddler with an activity. Fail at distraction and toddler has post traumatic stress disorder reaction to me leaving her and starts crying (screaming with tears more accurately). Leave toddler in arms of carer being assured it’s “out of sight out of mind.” Refrain from crying myself.
7.45am – get back into car, take a deep, deep breath. Relax. Count to 10. Turn around and make sure toddler is not in the car seat. It’s real, she’s at daycare. Start toddler free day. Remember coffee is in microwave.
I have to admit that I get a bit flustered at the idea of doing this routine more regularly when I head back to work in January. Do you have any amazing morning hacks I need to know about?