Sex, Motherhood and the City – The STC ladies talk intimacy after babies

Sex, motherhood and the cityI wanted to have an honest chat about sex after children but I wondered how to do that. Then I realised that the best people to have that conversation are the ladies that first showed us how to speak openly about intimacy – welcome back Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Sam. Sex and the City returns.  

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This scene takes place a year after the first movie (because it’s best for everyone if we forget that second movie ever occurred).  Charlotte fell pregnant again with another girl shortly after having Rose. It was not planned and she is struggling looking after three young girls. Carrie and Big have just recently had a baby, called Ryder. He wasn’t planned either, but they are both elated. He is three months old and they are planning their first night together after baby. Sam is still single, childless and loving it. She is well and healthy after her battle with cancer. Miranda and Steve are still together and Brady remains their only child.

The girls are having lunch. Harry (Charlotte’s husband) has the two older York-Goldenblatt girls and Carrie and Charlotte’s babies are both napping in their prams.  So conveniently (for me), there are babies involved but the girls are able to have an uninterrupted conversation.

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Charlotte (to Carrie): So tonight’s the night?

Carrie: Yep, I am a bit nervous to be honest.

Miranda: What’s happening tonight?

Charlotte (excitedly): Big and Carrie are having their first night together since having Ryder.

Miranda: What do you two love birds have planned?

Carrie: Dinner, maybe a little dancing, then a night at the Plaza whilst Big’s mom looks after Ryder.

Miranda: Oh, isn’t that a lot of pressure? I mean you just had a baby – you don’t need pressure.

Carrie: I feel all giddy about it actually.

Sam: Like you’re a virgin all over again?

Carrie: Actually, yes – I do feel a bit that way. I mean is it going to hurt?

Sam: Carrie, honey, you pushed a eight pound baby out, Big isn’t that big.

Miranda and Charlotte exchange glances.

Charlotte: It might just feel….well, different for a little while.

Miranda: Oh, I don’t think it’s down there you need to worry about. By the time you get to the hotel, you will have missed, what one or two feeds? Your girls are going to be huge and uncomfortable and you’re not going to want Big within three feet of them. I have two words for you and they ain’t sexy: Breast Pump.

Charlotte: Stop it. They are going to have a beautiful time. But, I agree with Miranda – why don’t you pop home and quickly feed Ryder after dinner?

Carrie: Ryder takes an hour to feed – there is nothing quick about it. There is no “popping”. Oh God, nothing is easy any more is it?

All girls shake their heads.

Carrie: But what about you Charlotte. How are you going with your three girls?

Charlotte: I am so tired. I can’t remember what it feels like not to be tired.

Carrie: And Harry? How is he coping with it all?

Charlotte: Oh, he’s lovely – loves the girls. He’s working a lot but that’s okay. Sometimes it’s a relief to have him out of the house.

Miranda: Working late? (Charlotte nods) You’re not worried?

Charlotte: Can I be totally honest with you? I can’t have sex with him right now. I just can’t. I am too exhausted.  I almost wouldn’t care if he is having an affair – it would take the pressure of me.

Carrie: You don’t mean that! You’re just saying that because Harry would never, ever cheat on you.

Miranda: She’s just saying that because she hasn’t slept in three years.

Sam: She’s just saying that because every time she gets laid she gets pregnant these days.

Charlotte: You know what? I am terrified of that. I don’t know what I’d do if I got pregnant again.

Carrie: You would be fine – you are a terrific mother.

Charlotte: I am not. The other day I almost ran out of the house and seriously thought about not returning. Just escaping. (Starts to cry)

Carrie: (hugging Charlotte) Oh honey, I know it’s hard.

Miranda squeezes Charlotte’s hand

Sam: Okay, Aunty Sam is up for baby-sitting – you need a break and you need to sleep.

Charlotte (through tears): Really? Three girls are a lot of work.

Sam (looking directly at Charlotte and speaking softly): I’d love to.

Carrie (to Sam): How are you with all these babies? I mean is it okay? Sometimes I wonder if you know….

Sam: I regret not having kids? Yeah, because you girls make it look so great – no sleep and no sex. Listen, I decided a long time ago that kids weren’t going to be a part of my life. But I got lucky because you all had children and I get to be a part of their life AND I get to hand them back.

Charlotte (softly and looking directly at Sam): Thank you, Samantha – I mean it.

Miranda: It gets easier, truly as they get older you get more time to put back into the things you have forgotten.

Sam: Like husbands?

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What do you think the STC girls would have to say about relationships after kids? Do you miss that show as much as I do?

38 thoughts on “Sex, Motherhood and the City – The STC ladies talk intimacy after babies

  1. Dawn says:

    This is such an important conversation to have. I just found a new GP and she told me how little new mothers are educated about sex after childbirth. I’d love to write about it myself but haven’t found the words, or the guts to do so yet! Good on you. Xo

    • Robyna says:

      Well, I’ll probably cheated a little bit by getting the STC ladies to talk about it but I have had a few people nodding along in agreement! It is really important to talk about it – hey, we talk about EVERYTHING else.

  2. Sandra Kelly says:

    I miss that show too! Nothing was off limits and I loved how the characters personality’s were so different but they just accepted each other for who they were… loved that underlying message. Xx

    • Robyna says:

      No show since has come close to portraying female friendships in the same way. It would be so interesting for it to come back – Carrie would definitely be blogging 🙂

  3. Heike Herrling says:

    🙂 You totally nailed this! Such an awesome set of characters to have this conversation. OH my, yes, a sneaky pump would be a must for Carrie to survive a night out without Ryder. Life, is never, ever, the same again.

  4. Emily says:

    Loved reading this! It reminded me of that time of my life, Our first night without our second baby I woke up at 5 am feeling like I was going to explode, left my husband by himself and drove to our friends house, desperate to feed my bubba only to find she had just had a bottle…aargh! I want to read what those girls would say about having teenagers around and a mid forties body ha ha ha. Thanks for the read and the chat Robyna 🙂

  5. Rachel says:

    Well done Robyna 🙂 I LOVED reading this (and YES let’s definitely forget the 2nd movie ever happened!) Even though I’m well past this stage in life I still remember those difficult days – these days for us it’s more about making sure the kids (18 and 20) can’t hear anything- THAT would just be awkward for everyone!!! xox

  6. MummaMcD says:

    Can you imagine the fabulous breastfeeding friendly outfits Carrie would wear?!? No kmart nursing singlets for her!! Loved this little flashback 🙂

    • Robyna says:

      No way. I think she would have rocked her Manolos and Choos all the way through pregnancy and then somehow made breastfeeding glamorous.

  7. mammarajsays says:

    Haha ! Love it. Yes sometimes it does feel like being a born again virgin after kids and quite daunting! Thanks for being so frank and framing it in such a great way with the girls we all love xx

  8. natasham says:

    Omgosh, not only does that transcript nail down what life is like after a baby BUT I actually feel like it was the 4 of them chatting…brilliant!! You’ve got all of them down perfectly, loved it!! #FYBF

  9. hugzillablog says:

    This is soooooo good! Brilliantly written, funny and SPOT ON! I was LOLing at how less-than-glamorous their lives had become since having babies. It’s no surprise that the series writers resisted giving any of them kids for so long!

  10. GoodFoodWeek says:

    I really miss SATC! This was a great post and I would have loved to see the breastfeeding/mummy outfits that these ladies would have rocked. Breast feeding attire is the worst.

    • Robyna says:

      Quite glad to be out of it, I must say. I wonder if Carrie had breastfed on the show whether it would have led to designer nursing outfits.

  11. Bronnie - Maid In Australia says:

    I DO miss that show. It was tacky and it’s probably a bit dated now – but when I accidentally come across it up late (I don’t have any of the fancy schmancy net-streaming devices) it’s like winning the lottery. And yep, they would talk about it. Sex after babies is difficult, especially at first (and my God it can HURT) and no one ever tells you about that! The SATC girls would …

    • Robyna says:

      Some of the outfits aren’t quite as fabulous as they once were and the bit where the girls talk about Brazilian waxes as something new and exotic seems a bit quaint now. BUT the essence of female friendship and their honest girl talk is still absolutely golden. I vote for more honest girl talk.

  12. kazatmeltingmoments says:

    I loved reading that. What a great except that so many of us can relate to. We all need girlfriends like the SATC Girls.

  13. Grace says:

    Oh, I had the characters in my head while reading this. I pictured them to be at their favourite restaurant, eating brunch. I miss the girls so much. Thanks for reliving them for me 🙂 x

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