The past few weeks have been a bit of a blur. Things have been FULL ON. Amongst all the busy, there have been a lot of nights out. Many of them with other mums.
No one parties quite like a mum on a night off. Chances to dress up, drink and dance are limited. I like to make the most of them. But things aren’t quite what they used to be.
Here are some sure fire signs it’s a mum (with little kids) on a night out:
- Her clothes have been carefully selected, she has taken time with her make-up and hair. She looks gorgeous. She also has baby vomit on one shoulder and a Pokémon sticker on her butt. She is oblivious to both.
- Before kids she wore six inch stilettos for ten hours at a time and thought nothing of it. She thinks she still can. She can’t. BUT she is a mum which means she is both prepared and has an enormous bag. She has stashed a pair of thongs.
- She’s been looking forward to some kid free time for weeks and weeks. As soon as she leaves them, she compulsively checks her phone in case they need her and she’s missed the text message.
- She knows that kids have no respect for wine flu and hangovers are a luxury she can longer afford. She’s also drunk after one and a half glasses of bubbles.
- At 8:00pm she’s suggesting shots, karaoke and a strip club. At 9:00pm, she’s asleep in her Pinot Grigio and ready to call a cab. She has no idea what Uber is.
- Back in the day she would flirt at the bar. Now she gives solid advice to unsuspecting hipsters. “Better space those espresso cocktails with some water honey” “I know beards are trendy but they aren’t for everyone, love” “Best get some club soda on that red wine stain – it’ll be good as new.”
- She watches girls in their short, short skirts looking around for Mr Right. She watches sharky men looking for Ms Tonight. She feels ancient and oh so relieved she’s no longer on the meet market.
- She rocks out on the dance floor – not caring how ridiculous she looks or wondering if anyone is judging her. She’s not out there to impress anyone.
- Despite the fact she is quite sure that the bouncer doesn’t believe her to be under 18, being asked for ID results in a flattered giggle from her and a “don’t kid yourself old lady, we ask everyone for ID” look from the bouncer in question.
- If she makes it to the end of the night (i.e. 10pm), rather than suggesting a wind down at a wine bar, she thinks tea and cake is an excellent idea.
I loved this recent post by Dawn over at Kangaroo Spotting about her recent mum’s night out: Mamas Can Still be RockStars. She knows how to party and is an awesome mummy night out date – clearly, unlike me.