The Real Housewives of Peppa Pig

If you have nothing but a passing knowledge of Peppa Pig, then this post will make no sense to you. And you will suspect I am slightly unhinged. If your child has only a moderate interest in the antics of the pig family this will make moderate sense. And you will presume I am moderately unhinged. If your child is obsessed with Peppa Pig then you will be as unhinged as I am. And this will make perfect sense.

If you’d rather Peppa Pig remain unsullied, maybe check out this post about an imagined episode of Offspring instead.

The real housewives of Peppa Pig

You see, I have my suspicions that things aren’t quite as rosy in Peppa Pig town as we are lead to believe. I think all that jumping in muddy puddles and (literal) ROFL is masking darker truths. 

Take Miss Rabbit. She has monopolised every single part-time job in town (which the mummies can’t be happy about). All those diverse income streams point to one thing – money laundering. I think she’s the head of lucrative drug cartel and needs the funds to support her own habit.

Then there’s Daddy Pig. Hiding his pain behind a jovial exterior. Oh, he pretends to be happy but every time he is fat-shamed by his wife and kids, he dies a little inside. He just can’t shift the middle-aged weight, no matter how much football he plays with his friends.

The show never tells us what Mummy Pig does for a living, but she works from home occasionally. I suspect she is a blogger. Trying to regain some of the status and individuality she felt when she worked in the City before kids and the GFC. Back when she was a big-shot stock broker and earned more than Daddy Pig. She writes about how she keeps Peppa and George’s clothes spotless (because, seriously, I want to know), how confident she is wearing her bikini (because, seriously, I want to know) and her suspicions around Miss Rabbit’s bogarting every job in town (because, seriously, I want to know).

Peppa Pig will grow up to become prime minister (assuming the prime minister is an animal and does not adopt human form as per the anomaly that is the Queen). She will make her cabinet cry on a daily basis through fat-shaming and telling them that they are just too young to do things.

Arrow 3

Do you make up back stories for the characters in your kid’s TV shows for your own amusement?
No? Just me then. That’s awkward.

 

18 thoughts on “The Real Housewives of Peppa Pig

  1. Lauren @ The Thud says:

    I’ve often wondered about Miss Rabbit. She works 24 hours a day poor love. She must have some habit to support. Daddy Pig is ridiculed for more than his weight. He seems to be the butt of every joke, poor bastard.
    I personally love Mr Fox. Shifty Mr Fox and his van of wares. And Madame Gazelle who has the patience of a saint.

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