There are so many people I am genuinely grateful for. My wonderful family. My gorgeous friends. The people in my community that make life a bit better for everyone. The person who invented champagne.
But there are some people who keep offering me things that I have no interest in. That I will never have any interest in. I just wanted to let them know that I appreciate the kindness but please stop.
To the real estate agents that keep wanting to appraise our house and assure us that we will get a huge price. Yes, I understand that we live in a lovely suburb with great schools, nice neighbours and it’s a stones throw from town. It’s why we live here. It’s why we will be staying here and it’s why no-one will be home when you come around to give a free appraisal.
To the people that SPAM my comments telling me what I am doing wrong with SEO. It’s very generous of you to advise me to use headings, bold and italics more effectively. Maybe your own advertising tactics need a little look at, seeing as the same comment seems to appear in my SPAM queue daily.
To the instagrammers who promise 1000 of followers and tag me in their posts. Yeah, I know that I have (well) under 1000 followers. I am okay with that. I am okay with growing organically. I am not okay with paying for likes. Or having a fake community. Or being tagged in those posts.
To Facebook helpfully advising me to boost a post so that I can reach thousands of people. For only $7. This really makes me NOT want to boost my post. I am not sure if it’s just my contrary nature but social media site that already steals more of my time that you should, please don’t tell me what to do.
To my phone which offers terrible auto-correct suggestions. I really can spell my own name. Promise. I am not making things up. And please don’t change things several seconds after I have written them when you know I won’t notice. It’s just sneaky.
To the people who sell solar panels door to door. When you knock at the door to sell solar panels maybe look at the roof first. We have solar panels. You are selling ice to Eskimos.
To the people that graciously offer me free(!) guests posts in the interests of increasing their own clients’ SEO. Really, I am fine for content. I do like to write. Kind of why I have a blog.
To the people that make the white and yellow pages. Why do you still deliver it to me in print? Why? (Yes, I know I can cancel it – I just have – but surely this should be an opt in thing rather than an opt out thing?)
To the map app on my phone that insists on the route with the maximum amount of tolls. Why is this? Are you in cahoots with the goVia people? Even when the free route is quicker, you still want me to take the tunnels. I am losing trust.
Who do you want to say Thanks but No Thanks to?
PS I am well aware of the first world nature of my problems.