We needed milk this morning. Because I only bought three litres two days ago. So, unsuspectingly, we popped into Woolies. And there they were. The newest lot of Woolies cards. I succumbed.
I reckon there are six kinds of Woolies cards collector families….
- Woolies you are dead to me.
There seems to be a growing cohort of families eschewing the cards. Basically it goes a bit like this “F*n Woolies with your f*n cards that clutter up my house and make my life hell because we can’t for love or money find number 23. Screw you and your attempt to make me spend in lots of $20 via pester power. I’m going to Coles.” I used to think Coles was mad for not creating a similar promotion. Now I see where they are coming from – they are offering refuge.
- The avid collector.
These collectors can be found hanging out in Facebook groups and throwing numbers around. They say things like “I have 1,1,2,5,7,11,15,15. Will swap for 3,9,16,17,20, 21, 22.” They carry a list at all times of missing card numbers. The aim of the game is to collect the full set as quickly as possible so it can be crossed off the list and tucked into the “done” corner. And lest you think I am poking mean fun, I am definitely poking fun at myself here.
- The accidental collector.
They didn’t mean to start collecting. But they were at Woolies and the cards were thrust at them. And the baby was crying. And the ice-cream was melting. And it was too hard to say no. And now they are stuck with the damn things.
- The late collector.
Either through sheer luck or an early commitment to avoid the whole shebang, this family managed to ignore the cards for the early part of the campaign. But then someone found out about them and the kids are insistent. Probably at school during the first two weeks before they were banned. Now they are in an impossible catch-up situation and are begging for cards and/or a spare album on Facebook, even though they suspect everyone might be laughing at them.
- The opportunistic collector.
The first lot of animals cards were an unexpected hit. Complete sets were selling for ridiculous amounts of money on eBay. While I doubt Woolies is going to let that happen again, I reckon there are still some opportunists out there looking to offload sets to late collectors for obscene amounts of dosh.
- The “remember the first lot” collector.
First thing I did was buy one of those albums this morning. Because those damn cards go everywhere. And I haven’t forgotten the first lot of animal cards when it was practically impossible to lay your hands on an album. Without spending obscene amounts on eBay.
And while we are at it, there are four kinds of Woolies employees who hand out the cards.
- The lovely kind who see you have a couple of kids and hand the things out like lollies. “You only bought $2 worth of watermelon? No matter, here have 20 cards.”
- The kind that must somehow have their pay docked when they hand the cards out. “You spent $38.54, so you get one card. What’s that? You have two kids? I don’t care. $20 minimum spend for one card. You want to argue? NO CARDS FOR YOU.” (you can cue the Seinfeld soup nazi there if you haven’t already). I have a conspiracy theory that these employees may moonlight as opportunistic collectors.
- The kind who think cards are well beneath them. You ask for the cards and you get kind of a vague look and a sigh. You may or may not get cards.
- The kind who have kids themselves, are feeling your pain and give you a wry smile with an extra card or two.