Thirty-eight is one of those ages. Quiet and self reliant. No need for a fuss.
The day itself was busy with a doctor appointment for my son in the early morning and managing an event in the afternoon. There were unexpected moments. The appointment finished early and I had a late breakfast with my sister. Followed by a lovely walk and a little shop. I was showered by virtual love on the socials. My boys took me out to dinner at our local Vietnamese restaurant. An anonymous bunch of flowers were delivered (thank you!). All in all, a lovely day. Enough to make me feel special and loved. Which is all I really want from a birthday.
I don’t get down about my age. It’s one of those things that looks entirely different up close. When I was seventeen, thirty seemed impossibly old and sophisticated. From the other side it seems impossible young and naive. And when I was seventeen, forty seemed the exclusive realm of the elderly.
Forty isn’t so scary when you are close to it. Most of the women I admire are forty and over. It doesn’t feel like a barrier. It looks more like freedom. Getting to an age that you live and love freely, without being caught up in worrying about what others think. Where you find your confidence and your stride. Where you start to understand what’s truly important to you and you are brave enough to go after it.
My boys are getting older and while I feel a pang that the baby days are behind us, I’m excited about what we can do in the future. Travel opens up. The things we can share and enjoy widen. My husband and I will be able to spend more time together again. The future seems very bright and full of possibility.
When I was younger I had an ambitious list of things I wanted to achieve. My career being the primary focus. My twenty year old self might not be terribly impressed with my nearly-forty year old self. But my bucket list has changed. The career goals are still there but they in the company of other things. Being confident about who I am and knowing what I stand for. Making the world a little bit better for my boys. Keeping kindness at the forefront of my thoughts and actions. Experiencing life in all its wonder. Putting my time and energy into the things that will, in turn, renew my energy and passion. Constantly learning and being open to what those things are.
So am I worried about turning forty? Not at all. I might even organise a little party to celebrate the fact.
Had any big birthdays lately?
How do you feel about getting older?