My corner of the internet is an innocuous one. Pretty things people have made. Fashion. The usual ups and downs of parenthood. Cute photos of cute kids. American election memes. But lately a lot of online hate has crept in.
Not directly. But it has seeped into my feed and the heat of the vitriol has surprised me. I wish I could say I was able to just look away, but I haven’t. I have been caught on the side of the road, gawping at the car crashes and wondering how on earth we managed to get here. Apparently the internet remains the lawless Wild West. Things people would never do offline are acceptable online.
I see very few people shouting obscenities at strangers in public places. Surprisingly most of us manage to hold it in, even when confronted with opinions we disagree with. The kinds of people that do are avoided and pitied. We cross the road and hasten our steps. We worry about their mental health and our safety. We don’t hurl abuse back, we don’t applaud them and we certainly don’t join in. Yet online everyone is invited to forgo the social conventions we learned in kindergarten. And so many accept with destructive glee.
Perhaps we should stop differentiating between “real life” and “online”. Because the people hurling abuse online are real. The people absorbing the abuse are real. The feelings are real and the repercussions are real. We all KNOW this. We know where cyber bullying can lead.
Everyone should feel safe in voicing a measured opinion. The vast canvas of the internet is more than capable of accommodating a great tapestry of view points. The expression of an opinion that differs from another is not an invitation to a personal attack. Nor is it an excuse to launch one. Someone placing an opinion into the ether of the internet is inviting commentary. Not personal abuse. There is very clear line between those two things.
People say terrible things under the guise of free speech and what they are doing is suffocating the very thing they pretend to hold dear. When dissenting opinions are buried under an avalanche of hateful comments, who is likely to dissent? When respectful commentary is rendered impossible by a litany of “f$& you”s, freedom of speech is flattened. When we take away measured, intelligent debate and replace it with school yard obscenities we rob ourselves of the opportunity to learn from each other and expand our points of view.
I wish that comments were prefaced with thought.
I wish these thoughts were among them:
- Am I creating or destroying?
- Am I supporting someone or tearing someone down? (Tearing one person down doesn’t support another)
- Would I publish this comment if I was the only person in this feed expressing this view point?
- Does what I am saying hold a modicum of intrinsic value?
- Does this truly reflect who I am?
Actually, it all comes down to one thing: Would I say this directly to this person’s face? Would I say this in “real life?” Because we are.
We are saying these things in real life.
How do you deal with the incessant negativity?
Linking up with Kylie Purtell – Capturing Life and IBOT
Given recent events, a number of bloggers are expressing their view on expressing opinions. We are using the hashtag #idratherbeme and stand as individuals in solidarity.
Couldn’t agree more Robyna
Thanks lovely Sarah
Online can no longer be anything but real life. The ship sailed long ago when people could even say that there was a difference, let alone use it as an excuse for bad behaviour. Bad behaviour should not be tolerated. Negativity in my life is not welcome. It may seem black and white, but I have learnt the long way that is what works for me, in real life and online
That’s a wonderful attitude to have. I agree – no excuses for behaving terribly and it’s great when people like Clementine Ford call it out for what it is and people do experience the consequences of their chosen actions.
Josefa, I am fully agree with you, whatever you share here all those also my words. Now a day, online is a true fact.
This post is spot on all the way through, but that third bullet point? That’s a new level of brilliance. *fistbump*
Thanks Em. We really need to stop the blind following of masses when someone is being pummelled online. There is an awful mass glee about it all.
*claps wildly*
Well said, Robyna!
Thanks Amy – it certainly has given us all a lot to think about.
You nailed it. Now if everyone would just get this memo…
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid recently posted…Taking Stock – October
It needs to be a pop up 🙂
Thank you for so elegantly articulating the weary swirl of thoughts that have been trapped in my head for the last few days. This shit is tiring. So tiring. And we all walk around with targets on our back, no matter how innocuous the content. This could have been any one of us.
I found it completely emotionally draining. While I wouldn’t say the content that started the ball rolling was entirely innocuous, it certainly in no way deserved the vitriol it attracted. But do we have to be so carefully tame to avoid it? I mean, I’m always carefully tame, but I don’t want the whole internet to read like that. There must be some tolerance for different opinions.
Brilliant!! Why is it just so hard for so many to be nice??
Nicole @ The Builder’s Wife recently posted…What to do With Your Builders Quotes
I wish I knew the answer to that question.
Perfectly said, Robyna. The need to express and be heard is understandable, need to attack is mystifying.
Yes – and it’s really a very clear line. It’s not a blurry one. Attack and defend ideas. Stay away from people.
Brilliant response. I am amazed at all the things people unleash in comment sections. They definitely type things they would never express in front of others who can see them.
deb dane recently posted…Self care and a challenge for November
And yet it is so public and on FB etc. people aren’t hiding their identities. It’s quite an astounding mentality when you think about it.
If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all! Do people not rememeber their mums and nanas teaching them this? I agree, why is online any different?!
Ingrid @ Fabulous and Fun Life recently posted…Rimmel London Kate Moss 15th Anniversary Lipstick Collection
Seems we may forget it online.
Beautiful words
Cat@lifethroughthehaze recently posted…anniversaries
Thanks gorgeous – you are always amazing and gracious online.
Brilliantly said! If only those questions could be mandatory checkboxes before you could publish comments online! Sadly though, asking if certain people would say hurtful things face to face may not be so helpful.
I love this idea. We can have spam prevention check boxes, how about a troll prevention tickbox! I know it may not work but I wonder if seeing “Would you say this to someone’s face?” would make some people pause?
Vanessa recently posted…Beach Serenity
Wouldn’t that be awesome?
Maybe we need to say “would you say this to your mother, father, child or loved one?”
I’ve obviously missed something as this is the second #Idratherbeme I’ve seen this morning. Not sure if I want to investigate….but yes, I agree there is a very uncool bullying aspect to Social Media.
Lydia C. Lee recently posted…Conversations with Belief
If you want to catch up, it will be easy enough to find. Harder to avoid, in fact. But it’s all about finding a way we can express ourselves online in safe spaces.
You know, I sometimes laugh quietly to myself when I see programs about teaching people online etiquette. But then I realise that the internet I’ve always hung out it, back in the day or now, have been very special and supportive corners.
Vanessa recently posted…Beach Serenity
You do have to be careful about where you hang out. It’s hard when people descend into those corners and wreak havoc though.
Pingback: "Being supportive" doesn't mean you can't disagree | Maxabella Loves
So very true Robyna. As the saying goes – if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all. Online etiquette should be exactly the same as face-to-face etiquette.
It really should.
Brilliant and gracious considered writing. I like the distinction between “in real life” and “face to face”. I’ve often thought we should use the term “in person” instead of “in real life”. I love everything about this post. You are a beautiful caring person Robyna. Xx
Yes, let’s use the language that accurately reflects the impact of our actions. Otherwise it’s too easy to cop out. Thank you beautiful lady.
?
Well said Robyna. The pack mentality is doing real damage, to real people, both those commenting and those being “helpfully” corrected!
Annette recently posted…Taking Stock: Spring 2016
Oh yeah – I think there were a few broken hearts over the weekend.
I absolutely love this post – especially those bullet points!! x
Kez @ Awesomely Unprepared recently posted…#MumLife: Labels or Love?
Thanks Kez – you are always so supportive and kind.
You have expressed the points so very well. I too am affected by the negativity (in this most recent issue of “note”) but I do not have the energy to battle so I switch off and self-protect. Self-care is essential for me as I can easily ‘wear’ what others’ say and write. Thank you for posting this. Many will see its beneficial message. Denyse #teamIBOT
Denyse recently posted…My Favourite K-6 Teachers. 366/299.
Thanks Denyse. I believe it has left many wary and weary.
Well said. It comes down to respect and kindness. Always. Anywhere. Anytime. Online. Or offline.
Exactly. Live your life authentically and kindly no matter where you are.
So well said Robyna. I feel emotionally drained by the online world at the moment. I have a self imposed break.
Deb Baker recently posted…Making Bookmarks and other crafty pursuits
I completely hear you on that one.
I’m never sure if it’s “here, here” or “hear, hear” – but yeah, THAT!
Janet Camilleri aka Middle Aged Mama recently posted…Dinner Party Disasters
Hear, here? It doesn’t cost any more to be kind so it always puzzles me why people choose to be nasty.
Truth! I couldn’t agree more!
Paula, The Geeky Shopaholic recently posted…What I learned about blogging from 16 Years of Retail
Thanks Paula – we SHOULD all be able to disagree and still get along.
Totally agree. Online is part of our world and part of life. Behind every comment is an actual person with their own feelings…we also get exposed to more views online that we might not be used to. I have a simple strategy, if i don’t like it, I don’t read!
We get exposed to so many more opinions and ways of reacting. Your approach sounds imminently sensible to me.
Absolutely love this! I need to stop using the phrase in real life, because like you say, online is real. I also think that for a lot of people who are hateful online, that they act that way offline too.
Tegan recently posted…Emotional intelligence and social media
I think you might be right there Tegan, although the anonymity of the keyboard seems to draw it out in people.
Pingback: The Ultimate Rabbit Hole #91 - The Geeky Shopaholic
Lovely and thought provoking post as always Robyna! I’ve also missed what I presume was the catalyst – am not going to go looking for it though. I can guess. It’s just so draining to even think about, people pretending that the venom they aim at total strangers is acceptable because it’s online and ‘just words’. Words are powerful, online IS real life, and thank you for pointing it out.
PS I hope the trolls have gone back to their caves.
I’m glad you missed it – not the nicest sides of human behaviour on display. And such a waste of emotional energy that could have been directed towards the things we really SHOULD be outraged about.