I am interrupting regular programming to bring you an interview with the newly appointed
Minister for Mothers.*
Me: Thank you Minister for Mothers for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to the Mummy & the Minx
Minister: No, no, thank you for taking time out from your busy ironing schedule to chat to me.
Me: Ummm, my husband does the ironing, but I am quite busy, so thanks for noticing that. So, firstly congratulations on your new post as Minister for Mothers. How did that come about?
Minister: Well, everyone agreed that I was doing such a spectacular job at being Minister for Those without Penises that it seemed a natural fit. And with Mothers Day just gone, it seemed appropriate.
Me: Do you think you are in touch with the modern Australian mother?
Minister: Of course I am. I know that they are all very pleased that I saved the $550 a year by repealing the carbon tax. I am sure that goes a long way in a family budget.
Me: Do you think that’s the biggest concern facing Australian mums? A saving that came at a significant cost to the environment? The environment their children will inherit? When one in three women are subject to physical assault, when there is still a huge discrepancy between women and mens’ pay packets and we continue to see discrimination and sexual harassment in the workplace, do you think that saving is the most important thing to mothers?
Minister: Well, let’s just hold on a moment there. Firstly, we all know that climate change just simply isn’t back up by the science. And you cannot prove to me otherwise (mostly because I have removed all the science funding). We are very lucky in Australia, yes there are issues, but I think we should focus on the positives.
Me: You recently announced proposed changes to maternity leave, where women will no longer be able to access government funded paid parental leave if they already have access to an employer parental leave scheme – what do you have to say about that?
Minister: Well, I’ll tell you a story about that. Joe Lacrosse and I were at a BBQ and Joe went to go back for more dip with his already half-eaten corn chip. I said, “Joe, mate, no one likes a double dipper.” And he said, “quite right – it’s un-Australian really” And then we realised, all these women are double dipping their leave! It’s not that I am against parental leave – you know I am not, given my history – but we just can’t have double dipping in this country. I won’t stand for it.
Me: As you said, you have previously been in support of a very generous paid parental scheme. How do you explain this backflip?
Minister: Well, no-one like that policy, did they? Everyone told me to get rid of it, didn’t they? So I don’t think anyone has a right to complain about this change. You all had your chance and you blew it.
Me: I think people were more concerned that it unfairly favoured the wealthy and that it was not economically sensible at the time. This new change will see some mothers returning to the workforce within a couple of months of their babies being born. Are you happy with that?
Minister: In a perfect world, mothers of young children wouldn’t have to work, but I know that’s not the world we live in. But we can’t have double dipping. We just can’t.
Me: You do know that many mothers choose to work, not only because of their financial responsibilities, but because they enjoy their careers and it’s important to them to have a role outside of their family?
Minister: Sorry, you just lost me.
Anyone else a bit put off by our Minister for Mothers?
*May not be an actual thing.