They say that the Dutch are amongst the tallest people in the world. My mother’s side of the family certainly seems set to prove it. My gorgeous sister towers over lesser mortals at 6”4 (without heels). My uncles hover close to the heavens at nearly 7”. It seems that my darling (not-so) little E has taken up the Dutch genes. He is a tall kid. Judging by the size of his feet, he is going to be a very tall man.
At two and a couple of months he is at least a head taller than most of his friends. He is not a string bean – his body is in proportion with his height. He still has a baby face and screw on hands and feet. But kids don’t register those things when guessing age. It’s all about height and size. (Not-so) little E will often have three and four year old kids come up to him in the park, ask him his name and if wants to play. His language and social skills don’t extend to that just yet so he smiles shyly back. The other kids shrug their shoulders and leave. And I fight the desire to run up and say: “He’s only two and he wants to play, he just can’t talk like you can yet.”
Some days I want to put him in a “I am 2 and nearly 3 months” t-shirt so that people understand. So that when his “Thank You” needs to be prompted and is not quite distinguishable, it is understood that it’s age appropriate. Why he isn’t toilet trained just yet, despite looking like he could use the big toilet with ease. Why I still carry him. I am not sure why I feel so compelled to explain my healthy child’s behaviour to strangers. I suppose I feel the weight of judgement as heavily as any parent.
I am tall-ish, but not so much that people ask me how the weather is up there or what basketball team I play for. My sister gets that all the time. She has always been tall. I think she over-took me when I was about 10 and she 8. Every school photograph, she stands out as the spike. I watched her take on a mantle of responsibility and the role of protector. I think those natural personally traits were magnified due to her height.
When we were little we played in a park clearly marked for under 12s only. She was 9. A nearby mother scolded her for playing where she shouldn’t. She was forever being assumed older. I think some aspects of her childhood were rushed. By her mid-teens she spent more time with my friends than those her own age. I wonder if this will happen with little E as well. Already his father’s sporting hopes have moved from Master I onto the more physically promising little E. And, even though at the moment it’s only in jest, I wonder what expectations will be attached to his height and size if he keeps growing at his present rapid rate.
The truth is I have often been jealous of my sister’s height and the attention it has brought her. But I know she has found it difficult at times. She has never had the luxury of invisibility. Everyone knows her. She has one very defining physical characteristic, but she is SO much more than her height. If little E does end up so tall that strangers feel they need to pass comment, I am sure it will open doors (even if he will have to duck). I just hope that the expectations are fair.
I know exactly where you are coming from. I have a GIANT kid. Even in Year 5 Max is about a head and a half taller than the next tallest boy (although the girls are starting to catch up). He is also a ‘big’ boy, not a string bean as some tall boys can be. He’s very solid with huge shoulders – he looks like a man. When he was three I had a little badge made up that said “I’m 3” because he looked like he was at least 6 or 7 and the older kids would be quite frustrated and mean to him. He still gets that a bit from the high-schooler who think he is a bit ‘slow’ because he looks like one of them!!! I was tall myself and though I always loved being tall, tall, tall, it definitely frustrated the bejeesus out of me that people felt the need to mention my height every. single. time. Yes, yes, yes, I know I’m tall… I also have other things about me going on you know!!! x
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My sister is so tall that it is often the first thing strangers will comment on. When we were younger and clubbing it made for spectacularly bad pick up lines. I am just shy of 6 foot, so tall but not extraordinarily so. I might have to make up one of those badges for my guy! The assumption of age mostly comes from other kids.
My oldest son (although average height now) was a big baby and toddler. He was born with a thick head of black hair which fell out quickly and was replaced by the most perfect honey-hued silken hair (it’s just regular brown these days!). He did everything quickly – walking at 9 months, talking in sentences at 1 – and so it was assumed he was older than he actually was, which is not a good thing. In terms of long-term correlations, I don’t know, I realise my experience are anecdotal but your post is a timely reminder for us all to remember children (are just that children) tall, short or whatever. Thanks.
Oh that is so true – and that we shouldn’t really assume anything about anyone – child or adult. How things look on the outside are so often differently to the reality.
Yup, my little boy turned 3 in June and I am buying size 5 clothing which fits him perfectly. The fact of his autism means that he is still in the pram with my little girl.
I know we shouldn’t care so much what other people might assume, but I know I do. My 2 year old fits into his brother’s 5s and doesn’t look ridiculous. It’s a bit sad – like they just skipped the baby stage.
Robyna,
I am quite tall but not as tall as your sister or even you. I seem to have always had short friends which makes my height even more noticeable. I understand how you must feel for your son. I especially think the expectations on boys behaviour because of their height is magnified. Mi love Bron’s idea of a little badge with his age on it.
Bron
I think I may have to make that badge up when he’s a little older if he keeps growing! Still, it is lovely to be tall – all those maxi dresses for the taking 😉
It’s so difficult when tall kids are expected to act older than they are. Parents need to remember that kids grow at different rates- and some just have those incredible Dutch genes! (I lived in the Netherlands for a few months- they swear it’s from all milk they drink haha!)
They are SO tall! I think we just need to remember everyone is different and not make too many assumptions (or assume that other people are making assumptions!)
I have a 2 year old and 3 months and your physical description of your son is just like mine. Overall he is loved and makes fans most places he goes however, the following happens enough i.e. at least once per day that it breaks my heart for him to see things like, how some of the older kids who assume he is their age act. I am in Brisbane. I remember this one boy calling him “dumb dumb boy” over and over again. I also have older women and once in a while the issue has been with asian women (I am guessing because both group had more “strict” upbringing and a child is to be seen not heard) have made comments on his “behaviour” i.e. not being in control of his voice yet/not able to whisper he is such a happy friendly boy who shares with everyone naturally, and I have had some of the women in the groups above talk to him in disgust that he would go near their precious baby (who are very close in age to him) and is going to “hurt them” screaming when he comes near their child trying to give the child a book or what ever “cool” think he has found and thinks the other child will enjoy too “screaming don’t hurt my kid” I had to say something to this grandmother once and I told her, he is not even touching your granddaughter, and he is not trying to hurt her he is trying to give her a dinosaur. She looked at me “but he is so big and rough” “How is he rough?” “I don’t know he just is so loud.” “He is being quieter than your granddaughter” “Yes but she is only 2.” “He has not even turned 2 years old yet.”…….. It just breaks my heart for him. I am tall but was never THAT much taller as a child, but I did look older until my adult years, and I often spent time with older people as I had to grow up so quickly due to the expectations linked to “acting the age you look”. It is a pleasure to be able to read someone else experience in this scenario as I often feel guilty for feeling like I have to justify his age/defend him to people.
It’s hard isn’t it? But I think the kids are always more resilient to these things than us mums. I guess our natural inclination is just to save them from everything.