Five Light Years Ago

Somewhere, in an alternate reality, a universe parallel to my own, there is a mother preparing for a fifth birthday party. Her son is unwrapping presents and playing with new things. An older brother edging his way in, trying to sneak first plays that don’t belong to him. Perhaps there would be a younger brother, very close in age, helping unwrap. But he shimmers in this imagined reality – I am not quite sure he would be there.

This is not my reality. My reality is that my son was born five years ago and died two weeks later. My reality is his two brothers, older and younger, playing quietly upstairs while their mummy writes out her grief.  Read more

Less in 2017

2017

This time last year my feed was full of resolutions, gung-ho attitudes and promises that 2016 would shine bright.

Of course, 2016 limped to its finish line looking less than glossy.

It was a hard year from a world perspective. Things occurred that I do not understand and that, quite frankly, terrify me. We lost so many public figures. People we may not know but feel we know through their work.

At a personal level, 2016 was an a pretty good year. There were the usual peaks and troughs. More peaks really, with a range of fabulous experiences that I won’t soon forget. Thankfully, there were no personal tragedies. But I don’t think I will look back on it as the best or worst year in recent memory. Which has left me feeling pragmatic and realistic about 2017. I don’t think I am the only one. There certainly aren’t as many lofty resolutions hanging around the socials. Read more

Taking Stock – it’s time

I was going to write a pithy, modern re-imagination of the “Virginia, Is there a Santa letter” today. It was going to be all kinds of funny and appeal to my eldest. Eight years old and beginning to doubt Santa. Wise enough to realise that an out and out statement of disbelief may result in less presents. Just as he is on the cusp of losing the magic, his three year old brother is discovering it. But I’m not going to write that post today.

Instead, I am going to do something I often avoid in this space. Share what is actually going on with me. The thoughts swirling around as they swirl, rather than one idea pinned and examined. So I’ll write a long over-due taking stock post. That cutest of blog ideas by the cutest of bloggers – Pip Lincolne. (Who is doing a very cool e-course in the new year as an extension of the whole taking stock idea).  Read more

Nearing Forty

It was my birthday last week.  I’m still a couple of years off the big four-oh but that didn’t stop my dad from bringing up its proximity. And consoling me about it. Truth is that before that message I hadn’t given my age much thought.  With a birthday sandwiched between our school fete and a number of other projects I hadn’t given my birthday much thought at all.

Reflections on high school

 

Reflections on High SchoolI remember feeling ostracised and lonely at my all girls high school. But when I look back, there was no reason for me to feel that way. I had a group of supportive girlfriends and one particular tight-knit friendship. I might have felt on the outer, because every teenage girl feels that way sometimes, but it wasn’t my true orientation. I never ate my lunch alone. I never dreaded going to school. I never begged my parents to send me somewhere else. Any dramas were completely internal and of my own making. Is there anything a teenage girl seeks more voraciously than drama?

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