Barriers to intimacy after children and how to overcome them

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Barriers to intimacy and how to overcome them
The baby has finally gone to sleep after fighting for two hours. It’s been a long day and you fear it will be an even longer night. You know you should at least have a chat to your husband but all you want to do is to fall into bed. You are dressed in pyjamas stained with baby food and you can’t be bothered changing them. Your boobs hurt. Your bones ache with fatigue. A cuddle, let alone something more, is the LAST thing on your mind.

Yet, it is important. Kids will grow up and as they do hopefully you and your partner will grow closer together. But that takes some work.

These are some common barriers to intimacy after children with some suggestions about how to overcome them.

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Appreciating the skin you are currently in

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Body Image

This month I am focussing on regaining intimacy. It can be hard to even go there when you are feeling a bit crap about your body. My body has changed a great deal since having kids. Some parts I don’t mind – a new kind of softness. Other parts – generous hips and bottom – are harder to embrace. But I wonder what purpose being critical serves. Whether in years to come I will look back on that criticism and wonder what on earth I was worried about.

I look back on photos of myself as a much younger woman. All cropped blonde hair and long tanned limbs. I don’t remember thinking myself beautiful. 

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What is social media doing to our hearts, minds and imaginations?

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What is social media doing to our Hearts Minds Imaginations

 

A few years back, I picked up a book called In the Shallows. I had read Nicholas Carr’s article Is Google Making Us Stupid?, and the author’s concerns mirrored my own. Was I losing my attention span? Was I finding it hard to consume information unless it was cut up into bite sized pieces? Was I craving validation through social media? Was I becoming a slave to the little device with the blinking light?

To be very clear, I love the internet and I think it’s more positive than negative. I also think that it needs to be managed carefully. I think it’s something we need to think about, talk to our kids about and I know I need to be more mindful of my use.  Here are some of my concerns and observations about the way social media and the broader internet is changing our hearts, minds and imaginations.

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Letting Go

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there is hope and promise in letting go

I feel that there is a lot of rhetoric out there about “letting go”. Most that I see getting around shows no empathy and some of it verges on insensitive.

My personal perspective is that “letting go” is not as easy as it’s cracked up to be. I’m not talking about the “missing out on a good car park at Westfield” letting go, I’m talking about the really messed up emotional experience kind. I mean seriously, who goes, “Oh crap <insert the really shitty thing that happened here>. Ok, I let it go.”?!

I am the sort of person who harbours shit around for a really long time. My emotional backpack hasn’t been carry-on baggage size for a while, and I had been dragging that bitch around and analysing its contents for way too long. Read more…

Silencing the inner bitch and being kind to yourself

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Silencing the Inner BitchI caught up with a girlfriend the other day. I wanted to get her opinion on a few things. I told her about my new business idea.  She looked at me doubtfully, rolled her eyes and asked “Really? Do you think that’s going to work? Why would you be successful at something others have failed at?”  I told her that I was worried about my eldest son and his lack of respect. “What do you expect?” she countered “you aren’t exactly mother of the year.”  I told her about my guilt over placing my baby in day care so that I could make a go of something new and exciting.  “So you should feel guilty,” she said “I don’t know why you are even giving up time you could spend with him to chase some unlikely dream“.

So, she’s a bit of a bitch my friend. Except she’s not my friend. She’s me.

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UNSTOPPABLE – I did it and now you can too

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Be UnstoppableFor the last couple of years I have followed and admired Taryn Brumfitt and her Body Image Movement. I have marvelled at her, her energy and the love that she consistently shows herself and her amazing attitude towards her own body. I often wondered, “what’s a girl got to do to feel like that?” When I heard that Taryn had joined forces with Gemma Munro (the superwoman behind Inkling Women) and created The Unstoppable Program, I was pretty much sold.

Then I read this, and I was like, “TAKE MY GOD DAMN MONEY NOW!” …  Read more…