Life Gaps. Wardrobe Gaps.

wardrobe gaps life gaps

Wardrobe gaps. I have always believed in filling them. In identifying pieces that would link others together and offer countless more outfit combinations. I still think it’s a sensible way to keep a wardrobe functional. Too many clothes languish in the back of cupboards, not for a lack of owner love, but for a lack of any play mates. Getting the basics right is the easiest way to ensure that the showy Deliah piece has a sensible Jane garment as her wing woman.

But when I looked into my wardrobe not so long ago, I didn’t see any gaps. I saw A LOT of clothes. So what was I filling as I was continuously buying more? Gaps in my wardrobe or gaps somewhere else?

It’s been two and a little bit months, and I still haven’t bought any new clothes. I see this is as something of an achievement. My husband rolls his eyes and tells me that I’m just being normal with my spending habits. He has a completely functional, completely minimal wardrobe that is furnished via birthday and Christmas gifts only.

When I first decided that I’d not buy new clothes for a year, I reviewed why and I how spent. That was definitely useful and I stand by those reasons. Much of time I am just a sucker for beautiful things. But as time goes on, I’m wondering about some of the deeper reasons I was spending.

Being back in the corporate world has gifted me more than just a regular pay-check. I found more self-worth that I expected when I sat down in my new office. To be honest, I didn’t realise it had been so badly missing. The hard graft and the hustle of working for myself had worn me down more than I realised. The days and afternoons in front of the computer and phone that should have been spent with my little ones hurt my soul more than I knew. And most of all, definitely most of all, the lack of face to face human connection drained my energy more than I had admitted to myself. Added to all of that, was the hurtful knowledge that I would never be as financially or professionally successful as I would going back to an office and doing what I knew best.

It’s a little hard to write that. I admire (so much) the women that have created businesses for themselves. I value entrepreneurism. Those were all lofty goals that I had set for myself. But I have realised something – I am intrapreneur, not an entrepreneur. My gift is working within an established structure, with other people, and improving that. And when I was able to do that within my own business, helping clients, I was happiest. But my super power is not building things by myself. It is not the level of self-sacrifice that requires.

We have routine and structure back in our lives. When I am doing a certain thing, I don’t feel pulled in a different direction. I can focus without thinking, “but I really should be doing x, not y”. My days are firmly contained – the work hours have boundaries around them that don’t bleed. I don’t feel like I am pushing against what feels natural for me. Things feel “right”. I feel content. I feel like I have a clear purpose and that I am pursuing it.

And in that contentment, I don’t feel the need to buy. Whether the contentment partially comes from the realisation I don’t need new things to feed it, or the contentment has solely come from my new working arrangement, I am not sure. But I do know that the pull towards the shops has lessened. I no longer feel a need to “reward” myself. Perhaps, at this small window, life is it’s own reward. It certainly feels more relaxed. I am happier than I have been in a long while. There are no gaps to fill.



Do you think you buy things to fill a gap?
What does work mean to you?

14 thoughts on “Life Gaps. Wardrobe Gaps.

  1. Annette says:

    Robyna, I can relate to the change that the routine of working in a business brings. Now that I’m back to heading out to the office five afternoons a week, I feel better about things. More normal – but not too normal ; )
    It’s so important to know what works for us when it comes to work. I’ve been told over and over that I should get my entrepreneur on, but I’m a contributing-cog kind of gal. I like being part of a team, contributing to joint successes, and going home on time!
    I feel more stressed about money now, which seems counter-intuitive, but I’m hoping that will pass. That gap between struggle and sufficiency is not quite filled yet. I’m working on it.
    We do shop to quiet our souls sometimes. I’m pushing that urge away today in fact, which is why I’m in bed writing this very long comment, rather than out spending money I can’t afford to spend, on actual wardrobe gaps. Shhhhh little shopper, bide your time.

    I’m so glad that going back to someone else’s business is going so well for you. It’s going well for me too.

    Here’s to knowing what works and working it!
    Annette recently posted…Back On TrackMy Profile

    • Robyna says:

      I think there is a real push at the moment to make the entrepreneur thing work – but it actually isn’t the right fit for so many people. The going home on time thing was the kicker for me. While it’s touted as giving you a wonderful balance, I don’t think that’s the case for those people running very successful businesses. Aside from the authors who write about how to earn a weeks wage in 3 hours per week. I think they are doing okay 😉

  2. Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says:

    I do think we are always looking for ways to fill the gaps, whether that be buying things, eating things or even with relationships. I think when we live a life that’s true to our values and our cups are full, we don’t need the extra things because all our boxes are being ticked. I’m so pleased the new job is ticking all your boxes.
    Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid recently posted…The Ultimate Rabbit Hole #108My Profile

  3. Edie says:

    I love the way you wrote this Robyna and I’m sure it would resonate with so many people. So good to hear the joy you are getting from pulling your pencil skirt back on xxx
    Edie recently posted…Pre O week. KEENO!My Profile

    • Robyna says:

      It’s a big reason that I had step away from freelancing – although the romance of it hit me hard. I hope you find your balance too – it’s tricky but I think people who have been doing it for a few years are a great source of information and guidance.

  4. Jenni @unclutter my world says:

    Well said Robyna, I’m a firm believer that we fill our lives with so many things in the search to find out what really makes us sparkle. Only, when we live a life that is true to us, being with the people and doing the things that make us happy and fulfilled. Will we stop the over purchasing of things that we think we need, or others tell us we need to be happy. Sometimes, we need to try stuff to see if it’s a real fit for us or not, the difficult part is accepting that something may not be the right fit, even when you have invested so much into it. It’s great to hear that you are truly happy back in the office. Jenni xxx
    Jenni @unclutter my world recently posted…LOOKING FOR THAT SILVER LINING WHEN SHIT HAPPENSMy Profile

    • Robyna says:

      Thanks Jenni – I am loving it. I think being busy every moment of the day also means there is less time for shopping! 🙂

  5. hugzilla says:

    God, I love your posts. This is so beautifully said. Boredom and reward a big drivers for me and I use my weekly shopping trip as a form of “retail therapy” to wander around and flick through clothing racks, which I find very zen. LOL. I op shop though so I can justify this to myself because I can spend $20 and get a bunch of things that would have ended up in landfill anyway. Or so I tell myself. Hahahhaha!

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