Being Kind to the One I Love

Being kind to the one I loveOne day, in the hard to imagine future, my boys will leave home. I will tearfully help them pack. I will hope they return for dinners but manage their own washing and ironing. I will be faced with an empty nest and seek comfort in my husband’s arms. The man who made these boys with me. Our greatest achievement. And when our lives become less about our children and more about each other, I want to turn towards someone I still love with every ounce of my being. I don’t want to turn towards a stranger. 

Lives become unfathomably busy when children enter the picture. Attention and space taken up by little people. It can be so easy to slip into co-caretaker mode. So easy to forget what brought those little people into the world in the first place. You make plans and lunches and dinners side-by-side. You negotiate the sharing of child care. You note when bills need to be paid and when the insurance is due. There is the silent accumulation of points and favours. The person that has had no sleep and therefore deserves a sleep in. The person that works all week and therefore should be cut some slack. The person that desperately needs a break and some time away from everyone else. Competing needs and wants balanced on the knife edge of marriage.

I consider myself a kind person. I will always try to help where I can. But too often I don’t extend enough kindness to my husband. Too often I take him for granted. Or I rob time and kindness belonging to him and I give it to someone else. I don’t say no very often. But when I say yes to all the other things, in reality I am saying no to someone. I am saying no to spending time with my family. With my husband.

I think I need to say yes more often to the person I love above everyone else. The person that is kinder to me than I deserve. The person that still sets my heart fluttering when he looks at me a certain way. The person who picks me up when I am feeling down. The person who has seen me at my best and my worst. The person that I share my life with. The person that will be there twenty, forty, sixty years from now.

I have been talking about intimacy this month. Keeping the spark alive when the kids are little. I firmly believe being kind ignites that spark. And it’s what will keep the fire burning.

Arrow 3

Do you think you are kind enough to your spouse?


20 thoughts on “Being Kind to the One I Love

  1. Mumma McD says:

    Lovely words Robyna, and words I definitely need to consider. It’s so easy to fall into a bit of a rut in the hurly burly of raising kids, I really feel I’ve been taking my husband for granted lately. Thank you for the prompt! X

  2. Melinda says:

    Oh wow, it’s like reading all about how I treat my husband! As you say, I say yes way too often to everyone else, and not yes enough to the ones who matter most. Especially my husband. Wise and kind words- thanks!

    • Robyna says:

      It’s strange how the ones we love most are sometimes the last in line for our kindness. I’m trying hard to change that too.

  3. Reannon @shewhorambles says:

    Without sounding like a complete dick I think I am kind to my husband. I’d like to think I always have been but I know when he started doing FIFO work I made a really conscious effort to always tell him how great I thought he was or how much appreciated everything he done for our family. Now that he is home the kindness is in the form of getting up to make him coffee & breakfast before work or having a hot lunch for him to take to work. I try to make sure he has some moments of quiet in between the kids battling for his attention when he arrives home. I try to show him how much I love him every day with small gestures- making his favourite dinner even though I hate it, making him a cup of tea after dinner even though I don’t drink it or offering to help him do things even though he’ll say no. I hope he sees these as me being kind or maybe these are just regular wife things & I need to step up my game!

    • Robyna says:

      No, I think they are definitely little but extraordinary acts of kindness. I think I could learn a great deal from the way you treat your husband – he sounds like a very lucky guy!

  4. lali108 says:

    An excellent description of parenthood and a good reminder to be kind. I often wonder, why is that? Why are we often hardest on those who are closest to us? Is it because they are a kind of extension of ourselves and we tend to be hard on ourselves as well?

    • Robyna says:

      I think that might be it you know – that and we know that they will love us no matter what. I know so much of what I do for others is underpinned by wanting to be liked. Whereas it would probably make more sense to be motivated by existing and real love.

  5. Sarah @She Writes says:

    Such true words. I have seen it happen to so many couples, the kids leave home and they are left together and don’t know who the other person is anymore, or even if they like them. It is so important to keep that connection in the busy, busy of family life. It can be a simple as eating dinner together after the kids have gone to bed and having an uninterrupted conversation. I hope you find what works for you x

    • Robyna says:

      I really REALLY don’t want that to happen to my husband and I, but I can see how it could happen to couples. He still makes my heart skip a beat, I hope he still does long after the kids have left home.

  6. RebeccaHJ says:

    This post really made me think – especially the part about ‘saying yes to others means saying no to someone else’, and that ‘someone’ often being our spouses. And we don’t even have kids (yet)! I do try to do nice things but it is so important to be generous – with time and thoughts and deeds – every day. Thanks for reminding me.

    • Robyna says:

      It’s a lesson that I am very slowly learning. I wish time wasn’t a finite resource, but it is. So glad that you got something out of it.

  7. Sonia Life Love Hiccups says:

    This is a really good reminder thanks Robyna. My beautiful poor hubby sometimes wears my wrath – not because I am mad at him, but because I trust him and us enough to let loose with him. Thats not fair and he doesnt deserve that so again – thank you for the reminder xx

  8. Flat Bum Mum says:

    Husbands cop a pretty raw deal sometimes don’t they? I know I don’t always show my kindest self to my husband. Thanks for the gentle reminder. Bron x

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